Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Marriage Creed

Tap! Tap! Tap! It was all we could hear on the computer as the bidders hurriedly gave away their money for a certain coin. The coins were sold so fast like wind as well as the thousands of money gone by hastily. One coin was sold around 220grand, some around 150-170grand and for average coins- it was sold around 3grand. My husband was all so excited telling me about this cool “auction” thing online.

The whole afternoon passed by and he’s still there in front of his computer in his office. Okay, fine. Whatever. To ease my boredom, I played the hip-hop aerobics and sweat away all my frustrations in my office. No, I didn’t tell him that I’m pissed at him.

I dressed for church and decided to go early. I didn’t invite him either. Yeah, whatever. I’m pissed off. I shouldn’t be going to church but I did anyway. I kissed him goodbye and off I went. It felt better driving alone and the road is quiet empty. Ah, the Super Bowl Sunday! It’s nice though. I had some moment for myself. I’ll be better soon, I just sighed.

I came home without saying “hi” to him not even to the dog. No, my hormone level is way too high, very stubborn.

“Momma, where are you?” he screamed while looking for me in the bedroom. I said “I’m downstairs, making coffee”.
He was all so excited telling me how the auction went. I gave him a cold face. Then, he figured out.
Okay, there’s the drama again. “Did I do something wrong?” “Is there something wrong?”
As always, my answer is “I’m fine”. No, you’re lying, he said. Okay, I’m pissed!
“Why?” “It’s because you were just in front of the computer all afternoon!” I said in a high-pitched tone.

Alright, I’m being unreasonable. I knew it was such a big deal for him. I knew I’m being selfish and he felt I’m so unkind considering how important that auction to him.

I can’t even tell him upfront that I want his attention. I felt bad because I’m bored. Faye even invited me for a movie night out but I said “no”. I’m in bad mood.

After a few minutes of sorting things out in a calm way, we made up. Off we went for dinner. We agreed to leave it behind. Then, my being childish confronted me once again. Darn, the dinner went so bad, there’s not even a good conversation.

The whole evening was ruined. We stayed away from each other. I’m still not over it and I just keep clinging to my stubbornness.

The scenario is neither new to us nor frequent. It’s rare but the same thing over and over again. I seemed so stuck with my stubborn behavior.

It’s past eleven and I said “goodnight!”
“When was the last time you did this to me?” he asked.
“I don’t remember”, I answered.

“Why are you doing this to yourself and why are you dragging me into this?” he asked in an angry voice. “I know you pretty well and you can’t hide anything from me, I’m intuitive. And you know exactly what you’re doing”, he continued. Duh!

“I need some attention, can't you tell? Okay, do I get in trouble tomorrow if I don’t say bye-bye before work?” He said, “You can do whatever you want to do”.

Fine. I apologized and we tried leaving the mess behind. I went to bed with still a heavy heart. Then, I received an email from him on my iPhone. He wrote some instructions for A at work and called me grumpy Momma. Grrrr!

I woke up so fresh in the morning and forgot about my bad hair day. He brought me an apple at work and I noticed he’s making some effort to make it up. Good! He probably figured out that’s how I get his attention. Do some protest?

Come on! Its high school, isn’t it? Anyway, as I said I want to post a love article or journal as much as I can for this month, hoping to learn from my mistakes in the years ahead.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with this very reflective message from Kahlil Gibran about marriage. Once in a while, I dig into his great reservoir of spiritual teaching whenever I’m lost, confused and to stay grounded and right on track.

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
Shawie

9 Grateful Heart's Words:

Paul Maurice Martin said...

"And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

I always liked those lines too. They seem to apply well to all forms of intimate relationship.

Mharms said...

Though I am newly wed I also felt that way sometimes. The other night I was emotional talaga. I felt jealous on something I do not know. It is a weird feeling.

es said...

conflicts-- part of every married life. i haven't been there but i know the thought of marriage as full of challenges.

hope you're a lot better now. take care.:)

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

You are very fortunate and blessed to have a very understanding husband who is working very hard for a living and he understand your "carino." Women are entitled to a breathing spell or a bad mood day but just don't overdo it. I hope you will patch up your petty misunderstanding. Always put the Lord at the center of your relationship and at the center of your family and everything will be fine. Thanks for the interesting post. God bless you always.

SHIELA said...

That's what love is forgive and forget :) Enjoy your valentines sha!

""rare*jonRez"" said...

oh i so love the poem! very nice and real.

i think men are really from mars! haha! i have the same case too with my man, even if we're both pinoy. mga lalake talaga, walang-wala sa pagka-sensitive at emotional naten!

cge na nga, happy valentine's dyan sa inyo!

Spicybugz said...

Every married couple has days like that. With men you really do have to tell them right out what you are feeling. They are clueless. Next time, just tell your husband you are lonely and want his attention :)

Bluebirdy said...

Hi Shawie, I found you when you left a comment after my comment on Mel's "The Promise" Blog. You have a beautiful blog and a beautiful attitude. You should write a book about growing up on an island where everyone knows you. That is a very alien way of life to most of the world! What a big adjustment you had when you moved to California! I am reading a great Christian book right now called "Sacred Marriage-What if marriage was meant to make you Holy more than make you happy"? ITS WONDERFUL! I also bought the same author's book "Sacred Influence" that tells the incredible influence that a woman has on her husband and on others in the world. So nice to meet you!
Blessings,
Sheila/Bluebirdy

BK said...

"And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

Those lines are beautiful and yet with such deep meaning in them. The oak tree and cypress trees cannot grow well if they are too close. They can be together and yet strong only if they each have their own growing space. This is what some people, who are married, forgotten that although they are united in marriage, they need to give their better half breathing space too.

Thank you for sharing those lines with us.